One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
