I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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