to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
