What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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