i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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