glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
