apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Randomize
