youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
