its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
