I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I intend to get homeless drunk
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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