You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
