so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
