we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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