were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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