So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
