Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do you remember whose house we're in?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
