we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
