i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
