I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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