we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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