Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
