She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
