My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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