I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
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Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
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I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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