That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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