He is such a slut. More and more my type.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
