I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
