i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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