There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
