Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
