I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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