giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
