He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
