if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
