Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
