i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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