I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
