im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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