I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
this hospital has no fireball
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
