The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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