I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
