I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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