Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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