I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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