is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
