I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
