im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
