omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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