How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
