Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
