I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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