Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
