He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
my poor anus
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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