Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
