well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
