come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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