Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
