we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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