she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Drunk is a universal language darling
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
