Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
