i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize