I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
