I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
