White coat. Heels.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
there was a trapeze. enough said
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
