dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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