I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
