Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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