I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
