you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
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I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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