I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
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The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
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I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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