The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
