no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
