Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
