ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my phone needs a breathalizer
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
