...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
