Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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