soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
