he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
